March 24: 161You all know I've been struggling with my weight for nearly ten years. Well, that's not true. I've thought I was fat since junior high? elementary school? Before the senior prom, I taped a note -- "Size 10" -- to the fridge to encourage me to lose a pound or two to fit better into the prom dress. (Now I wish I had enjoyed what was a thin, healthy, if voluptuous shape.) Mostly I ignored my weight and the way it and my pants sizes crept ever upwards. I lost weight in college due to long bouts of illness one term. When I hit 200 five years ago, I managed to drop 25 pounds before reverting to my old eating habits and dress size. The excess weight and official BMI classification of obese engendered the usual feelings of unattractiveness and self-hate. There's nothing unusual in my feelings and how I dealt with them. There was nothing unusual in my body's reaction to the excess weight: elevated blood pressure and then gestational diabetes during pregnancy. Before becoming pregnant, I cut out caffeine and sudafed (and tried to eat better) to lower the pressure. It dropped by 10 points but was still high. The pregnancy had some amazing side effects for my health -- my blood pressure dropped to normal at my first checkup. Thanks to the morning sickness, I lost 15 pounds in the first trimester. The weight returned in the second trimester, but the strict diet to control the gestational diabetes stopped the weight gain, and I'd lost four pounds again by the delivery date. After delivery, I was down to 176 pounds. A week later, 165 as the edema reduced. (The morning after sweathing with a fever form the mastitis infection, 163, but that was dehydration.) At my post-partum ob visit, dressed, and having eaten, 161. I haven't been this thin since shortly after moving into the house. I'm pretty happy. I've achieved my "weight loss" goals:
Other than bragging, what's my point? Weight-wise, I'm where I've wanted to be for years. I'll try to bike again this summer to get and remain fit. Should I try to lose more weight? Shoot for 150 pounds and a size 12? My sister weighs herself every day. I weigh myself and Jakob weekly. Weekly weighings will be necessary for me to maintain a healthy weight (and blood pressure and pancreatic function). Should I obsess over another 11 pounds? Is this an emotionally healthy "go for it!" idea or another unrealistic obsession from youth- and thin-obsessed culture? With 150 my BMI would no longer be categorized as "overweight" but as "normal." Should I just continue to try to eat healthily (controlling the carbs, more fruits and veggies, watching the sweets, avoiding foods with added sugar) and see where the pounds fall? Oh yeah, I started last January at 195, and the most I've been is just over 200. Two-effing-hundred. E-mail I sent to Boston Globe Columnist Ellen Goodman in response to this essay on the "why are there no women ..." subject: Although there may be a comparitive dearth of women bloggers who concentrate solely on politics, most of the women bloggers I read can be very political, but write personal blogs: http://chezmiscarriage.blogs.com/chezmiscarriage/my_vagina_is_angry/index.html http://chezmiscarriage.blogs.com/chezmiscarriage/womens_studies_the_study_of_women/index.html http://www.hotwaterbath.blogspot.com/2005_02_01_hotwaterbath_archive.html (bottom post) http://zia.blogs.com/wastedbirthcontrol/unrealistic_body_images/index.html http://zia.blogs.com/wastedbirthcontrol/my_own_personal_fatness/index.html http://moxie.blogs.com/ http://maplestreet.blogs.com/trying/2005/03/50_cents.html http://uncommonmisconception.typepad.com/home/politico_in_training/index.html Let's not forget the old mantra of the feminist movement: the personal is political. The examples are considered "mommy" or "infertility" blogs. (By whom? I would say the New York Times.) But really, they are personal journals that cover topics important to the writer: motherhood, work, politics, culture, family, friendships, home. These are women acting and writing locally; the global thinking is hidden behind that. Does the attention on the politics of daily life make these women more or less political than men? I try to keep my personal choices in line with my politics: choosing a pricier electric supplier that generates electricity from renewable resouces; not buying the big homne or car; gardening organicly; buying organic products when possible and fiscally feasible. I try to rationsally discuss my views with family, cowokers and friends. Am I more or less likely to convince someone than if I maintained a political web site, rather than an informational one (www.christmas-baking.com)? Please excuse the errors; I typed one-handed while nursing my son -- a political decision, considering the criticism mothers receive for every child-rearing decision. Susan J. Talbutt Philadelphia PS I've enjoyed your column for years! March 14: Not cooking(typed one-handed as Jakob eats.) The chicken biryani turned out well, despite missing some steps, turning on the wrong burner, and having no time ti start cooking until Jorj came home because Jakob wouldn't sleep in his chair, onlt in my arms or the carrier. Can't wait for Tobi: I can hand him the baby to hold and get something done. Cooked so much we made it to yesterday on leftovers. I'm trying to make French onion soup; the onions are sliced. Yet again, Jakob won't sleep except next to/on me. I can't cook with him in the carrier; his head blocks the view of the cutting board. Cooking will re-commence when Jorj gets home, and we'll have another late dinner. Not sure how we will survive ny return to work, Ahhh, sleeping again. With luck I can cook soon. March 8:Return of the cookThis week I have enough energy to cook (and tyo type one-handed). I now have o much enforced sitting time that I read the New Yorker cover to cover in a day and a half. Months ago I'd mentioned to Jorj that I'd like subscriptions to the Economist and Atlantic, but didn't have time to read them. Now I scour the magazine tacks when we shop (Target and Giant: poor selection). I settled for Everyday Food, the "nope, not a Martha mag" magazine. Some good recipes, which strike a balance between slaving over gourmet and quick get a canopener. Real food without many shortcut ingredients. Thus inspired, I drew up a menu for this week (in no order):
Started this off by grocery shopping yesterday. Last night's dinner was the ham, peas and polenta. I burnt the polenta by over-broiling, but the recipe is workable, and Jorj liked the peas (which are very, very fast). For the remaining weeks, I'll be making weekly menus and cooking most days. The recipes will come from whatever cooking magazines are around that week. Too often, the magazines sit unused after the first reading, despite the intriguing recipes that look to be manageable after work or on the weekend. I've missed my kitchen (still not finished). This will be cheaper and healthier, and less stressful. We always ate better when we made menus, and they eliminated the "what do you want for dinner" "I don't know; what do you want?" routine that made home life a bad Laurel and Hardy rip off. Although my day has more time for long-cooking items (like a picnic ham which needed two and a half hours in the oven), my time is in fifteen minute to two-hour long chunks, depending on Jakob's hunger and fussiness, other household chores to do (laundry, baby changing, dishes, and you don't want to know what else). Still, this is very exciting. Lynn and Gena would be so proud; I've been purging as I unpack into the kitchen. Anyone need dishtowels? Also purged the underwear drawer, but that's not as exciting. We just own too much stuff. 21st century woman: logged into AIM (suthecoder), reading the bikewear catalogue and pumping milk. February 18: And this makes sense, because ...Since the diabetes, I've been checking food labels for added sugar. Peter Pan peanut butter has already gone to the wayside for Smuckers all natural (ingredients: peanuts, salt). Before the diabetes, Jorj had bought some V-8 Splash fruit juices. Now that juice is once again part of my daily luxuries, I've been having a glass with breakfast every day. After a glass or two, the V-8 splash seemed to have an aftertaste, an aftertaste of Splenda (sucralose). Double-checking the label, high fructose corn syrup is listed as the second ingredient, and yep, there's sucralose at the end. What the ...? HFCS and sucralose? Ah, the front of the label shows "33% less sugar (than other juices)" Eliminating 33% of the HFCS just wasn't an option I guess. We won't be buying that again. February 9: Sybaritic luxuryA phrase from Jorj's Aunt Anne, and something I've been enjoying of late: juice, a cookie, pancakes or French toast with syrup, half a beer (immediately after Jakob's dinner), hot cocoa with cookies from Renate Buchmann. Progress at last on the kitchen, mainly due to firing the contractor, and Jorj resigning himself to doing the work. The kitchen is much more usable without all his stuff in it, and it's been a joy to use. I might be ready soon to finish unpacking. February 8: Thank God the Eagles lostFrankly, I'd hoped to be in the hospital during the Superbowl, completely avoiding the idiocy. My uterus decided this was not to be, and instead we were home with a days-old infant. The neighbors across the highway had a Superbowl party, and the guests were pretty rowdy before hand, standing on the lawn, hooting and hollering, encouraging passing drivers to honk. One can only imagine the antics if the Eagles had won. I say, let Boston deal with the riots. February 2: JAKOB EMANUEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!12:22 a.m., 7 lb 6 oz, 21 inches February 1, 7:51, OK, this is itNow we're going to the hospital. February 1, 6:47 p.m.But we haven't gone to the hospital yet. I'll post here when we do, OK? Moms will be calling around to let everyone know when the Little One does arrive. February 1, 6:28 a.m. |
What I'm readingStuff I took to the hospital (and read) and stuff I've been reading since returning. When I'm stressed, I read old favorites.
What I'm listening toLots of classical (good for babies and nervous mommies), and a collection on iTunes I called "Soothing," with Annie Lennox, Coldplay, Shriekback, an album of lullabies, and Brian Ferry. Things that make me happy (in no particular order)
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