I don't see why it should be so hard to find a good grocery store. And yet, most of the stores near my house are so dreadful I get a stress headache driving into the parking lot. My needs really are few:

• small — a small floorpan really can cut shopping time in half
• fresh produce and meat — not the buy it and use that night store from Center City
• close to home (on my way is impossible now that I only drive 3 1/2 miles a day)
• organic milk, and not hidden 15 feet from the regular milk
• no TVs in the store

Alright, I admit it, ideally I'd live in a little German village, where the produce store is across the street and the baker around the corner is my grandmother's step-brother's wife's nephew (no, really, he is kinda a cousin by two marriages). But I don't, and I'm stuck in the land of the supersize, and all I can do is thank my stars I don't live in Texas, where everything is even bigger. There once was a time when I loved to spend hours in the grocery, looking for odd ingredients and dreaming up menus to use them in. Now I have a toddler.

The giant Acmes with the blaring TVs and complete lack of white baking chocolate are right out. The giant Genuardi's which trades privacy for fake "discounts" is out. The two-acre Shop-N-Save is out. The giant Giant is out, despite the truth-in-advertising theme of its name.

There is a wonderful Shop-N-Bag (George's Dreshertown), which was "big" when it was first built in the 60s or 70s. Now it's quaint, but it has great produce, a huge dairy section including whole-milk and Greek yogurts, a fishmonger, two butchers — kosher and non, LeBus bread, and really perky checkers who always gave my toddler a "Thank you for shopping" sticker. No loyalty cards. Prices sane. Fresh food was fresh. Small enough to be in and out in half an hour with groceries for the week. On the way home, so I could shop every other day if I needed, and I often did. Problem? We switched day cares, and the shopping center was so good I almost considered keeping my extra forty minutes of commuting to still go there.

When I'm really strapped for time or patience, I go to O'Niell's in Keswick: absolutely tiny (two check-outs), but well-enough-stocked. I can be in and out in 20 minutes. They're so small that I count on only the basics, but an often pleasantly surprised at what they do have. If I had brand loyalty, I'd be screwed, but I only have square-footage loyalty. Parking is on-street with meters, but that keeps the riff-raff away.

Within walking distance of my mother is the Hatboro Deli, which is either the world's smallest hoagie shop with a grocery store attached, or the world's smallest grocery (one checker, four aisles) with an in-store hoagie shop. The hoagies are good, but the grocery is better. They carry lots of prepared foods, but also rib roasts and Crystal hot sauce (I couldn't find Crystal for over a year in the Philly area, and here it was half a mile from my mother the whole time). Plus cheap greeting cards, and I'm sure they'll be open on my mother's birthday.

I can stand Whole Foods and its ilk. (What ilk? They've bought them out.) They often have the odd things I want like vegan chocolate chips, dried pears and Spanish goat cheese. They're packed but the footprint is small enough that you never have far to fight your way through. Trader Joe's is just too damn crowded. And neither is open at the sensible hour of 7:30 am., so that I can beat the crowds.

For the truly exotic, it's H-Mart on Cheltenham Ave. and Rieker's in Fox Chase. H-Mart is a Northeast chain of Korean groceries, and carry lots of souteast Asian ingredients, and have a small housewares section I always must visit. (Every Asian grocery seems to have a housewares section.) Rieker's is the German delicatessen/butcher my grandmother shopped at. They still make their own sausages, and carry lots of seasonal delicacies.

There is produce store around the corner ... and down the mile-long hill: Peas in a Pod. Wonderful produce, with a big organic section. Pumpkins at Halloween. Local in season. Suppliers deliver every day. Cute little bushel baskets for shopping baskets. Fresh, whole-grain bread. Local eggs. Now, if only I can convince them to carry buttermilk and whole-milk yogurt.

Well, there you go. If you live near me and want an old-fashioned grocery with a good selection, you know where to go. And if I ever get amnesia and forget where I shop, it's right here.